New Years Day, 2015

There I was at my good friend’s Rose Bowl Party watching the Oregon Ducks drown the Florida State Seminoles. Which begs the question what is a Seminole? As things happen in boring football games talking and drinking seem to take over, in this case discussing our new year’s resolutions. Here is what we came up with:

1. DRINK BETTER WINE. That got me thinking. In these tight financial times I’ve been resigned to buying cheap wine. But my dogs are still eating the most expensive dog food I can find. This is a resolution that I could get behind. Sorry dogs but from now on its Two Buck Chuck Wagon for you!
2. CLEANER HOUSE. This seemed like an unattainable goal and quite frankly a huge waste of time. I’ve spent countless, valuable hours cleaning, picking up, straightening up, sponging, dusting, sweeping, had many different house-keepers only to see it get back to being the filthy way it was again in just a few hours.
3. BE MORE PATIENT WITH MY HUSBAND AND CHILDREN. Nope again. I had already spent a good part of this New Year’s Day with my son working on his college apps that were due by midnight east coast time, with my husband angry with “us” for waiting to the last minute.
4. I had a secret one… To start a blog.

By the end on the game we toasted our more Realistic Resolutions List.

1. Drink Better Wine
2. Don’t Give a Damn About a Dirty House
3. Patience is Over Rated

Cheers! And remember… every time wine glasses clink a drunk angel gets a new liver.

 

NEW YEAR’S DAY, 2016

There I was at my good friend’s Rose Bowl Party watching Stanford Cardinals trounce the Iowa Hawkeyes. Which begs the question, what is a Hawkeye? As things happen, wait a minute… Where did this year go? It flew by. AAAHHH! Not until this moment did I ever think of Harry Chapin’s song Cat’s In A Cradle as a cautionary tale. I didn’t do anything monumental or even different over the past 12 months. Here I was back in the same exact spot as last year, in the same chair, only this time at least drinking a better glass of wine. I did however keep my last year’s resolutions but one. I wonder if there is an expiration date on New Year’s Resolutions? Well if that’s not motivation enough here we go…

 

January 10, 2016 Batter Up

I met my posse of girl friends years ago on the baseball field while our sons played T-ball.

Have you ever noticed how cheering at a T-ball game sounds a lot like faking an orgasm? “Go on honey, you can do it. Keep your eye on the ball. C’mon, hit that sweet spot. Whack it! Whack it really hard. You got it! Go! Go! Go! Yes! Yes! Yes! Slide in to home baby! Come on baby. Come on. You got it! You are the best ever!”

Moms seated on the splintered wood bleachers watched my son eventually make it to first base after running around home plate a few times chasing after a butterfly.  The mom seated next to me turned and smiled. “Do you need a cocktail?” Sure. A refreshing cool drink sounded nice on this hot spring afternoon. She proceeded to hand over a perfectly mixed Margareta in a Tupperwear cup with a lid and a flexy straw. “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

Stop! From this point forward I think it will be in the best interest for all those involved, starting with my own personal safety and the creative advantage of anonymity, that instead of using my dear friends’ real names in sharing our stories, to have them represented by the characters from the classic Louisa May Alcott novel Little Women.

For those of you who need a literary refresher from your 6^th grade English class, here you go:

Jo – The protagonist of the novel, she wants to be a writer. She has a quick temper and a quick tongue and tries hard to control both. Jo is a tomboy and who is aggravated by the limitations placed on woman and wants nothing more than to hold her family together.

Meg – Responsible and kind, she mothers her younger sisters. She is gentle, loving and morally vigorous.

Beth – Quiet and virtuous, she wants nothing more than to please others. She adores music.

Amy – An artist who adores visual beauty and has a weakness for pretty possessions. She is given to pouting, fits of temper and vanity, but she does attempt to improve herself.

This is my gaggle of girlfriends. the ones I chose to go to first with my new, now old, year’s secret resolution for their support…

“I want to start a blog,” I announced over cocktails.

“A blog? What for?” Jo asked.

“You don’t even have a Facebook page.” Meg announced.

“I think it’s a lovely idea. You can share ideas and see if people like you; really like you, like we do. And you are so funny,” Beth chimed in.

“Speaking of Facebook, I saw on Facebook the other day you were over at Meg’s the night you were supposed to come over to my house and have wine. She posted a picture of you guys! What did she call it? 50 Shades of Chardonnay?” Jo demanded

Curse you Facebook! The worldwide web of digital tattle-tailers.

Since that didn’t go the way I had wanted, I decided to take my promising idea to the family dinner table. Tonight was breakfast for dinner. How can something so wrong be so right? I have three wonderful children, but unlike my friends I will be using their real names to secure their personal embarrassment. Maybe they will even get beat up in the school bathroom. No, just kidding.

“A blog? Really mom? That’s a big step for you. You don’t even have Facebook, not to mention Snapchat, Instagram, or Twitter.” Huey asked.

“True but I do shop a lot online. Besides I would be bonding with strangers. I could make new friends without being guilted into rekindling old friendships with people I already got rid of once.”

“Share? Why?” Daisy asked.

“Why? Because no man is an island. Because I want to. I miss pen pals. I want to write things like they did in You Got Mail. I would send you a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils.”
“Please don’t call it MotherOfThree.com.” Dewey stated dryly.

I squealed with glee, “Yes! I love it. I mean, nooo I would never.”

“She can’t. It’s already taken.” Huey said while surfing the web.

“What? How did you find out so fast? How about MotherOf 3WithADog.com?” I asked.

“Taken.”

“I’mAMotherLivingWithMyMother.com?”

“Taken.”

“LostMyMoney.com?”

“TwinsYeah.com”

“Taken, taken.”

“ThereWasAnOldWomanWhoLivedInAShoe.com?”

“Taken.”

“DemoGirl.com?”

“Taken. But Demigod is available.”

“Maybe you should just start writing funny slogans on t-shirts company.”

“Thank you Daisy I’ll think about it.”

Clearly it was time for me to branch out away from my family tree.

I must confess, the need to start a blog is for my own self-preservation. You see, I have all this chatter going on in my brain all the time and I fear if I don’t let it out I’m going to become one of those people pushing a market basket filled with trash mumbling to myself. I want to let it out and share with others like me, going through the same things. For those of us who at different times in our lives wake up and ask, how did I end up here?

For some, life may be like a box of chocolates, but for me it’s more like a bowl of lumpy batter, that I’m trying to whip until it’s perfectly smooth. When in truth the best batters have a few lumps.

I looked at my children, all three with attitude, two waffle lovers, one pancake lover. It seemed to reflect their personalities. Inspiring. Hell, I’ll just make-up a word of my own, based on my favorite things, a crisp new word that hasn’t already been taken.

Attitude – Fortitude – Don’t Be Rude – Gratitude – Magnitude… Waffletude

Till next time. Live with Waffletude.