Toothsome Trick

Four months of quarantine, three kids, one “grown-up,” two dogs, two cats and countless hours, with no end in sight – boredom has come, gone and returned. The wheels are coming off the cart, proving that idle hands are the devil’s workshop.

Sam, who is now 5’10”, was hanging over the sides of his upper bunk like Buddy the Elf. Time for a room makeover. In the process, we uncovered three baby teeth that the Tooth Fairy apparently missed taking them for her castle.

Sam screaked at the discovery, “Mom! Look what I found – baby teeth!”

“Whose?” I quizzed.
“I hope they’re mine. Gross,” he grimaced.

They were as small and sharp as they were when they had been inside his tiny mouth. I gathered them up with a tissue and tossed them away for good this time.

“Oh well, there’s another beloved legendary figure debunked,” I said.

But those teeth planted a seed. A plan was created, a plan so diabolical it was worthy of Edgar Allen Poe.

Days later, Lindsay let out one of her now famous bloodcurdling screams, “There are TEETH in my room!”

Again, I thought, wow I sucked at that job. When I walked in her room she was down on her hands and knees examining them.

“Are they dog teeth?” I asked.

“No.”

I bent down, “Oh yes, they’re teeth all right.”

Four of them scattered in different corners of her room. After I gathered them up, I took a closer look. These teeth were much shinier than Sam’s baby teeth. I threw them away.

The next morning, the same thing happened only this time there were double the amount of teeth, scattered more willy-nilly.

“Did we just miss them?” I asked.

“No, this is so creepy,” Lindsay replied while marching out to get the vacuum. Then she began sucking every inch of her carpet, combing through every thread to make sure she had gotten them all. Once satisfied she emptied the vacuum into the trash bin outside.

“Done.”

But that night, when she turned on her room light, there were more and more and more teeth.

“MOM, THIS HOUSE IS HAUNTED! TEETH! WHAT GHOST WOULD LEAVE TEETH? WHOSE TEETH? WHY TEETH?” She ran into my room and grabbed the matches and a bundle of sage off my desk.

Even I was getting a little concerned; this was very unusual even for our poltergeist.

“I am NOT going to sleep in that room until we burn this.” She lit the sage and danced around.

Of course, her drama got everyone’s attention and the boys came out of their respective bedrooms.

Jack asked with grave concern, “Lindsay, what is the matter?”

“Those teeth are back again in my bedroom. Some ghost keeps leaving TEETH!”

As with all well-executed pranks, there is a moment where you must witness your handiwork in action. This was genius.

Jack could not keep his laughter bottled up another second. “I got those teeth from a friend of mine; I’ve just been waiting for the perfect time to set them free on Lindsay,” he busted out.

“You planted teeth in my room?” She was horrified.

“Well FAKE teeth,” Jack corrected her, followed by a deep sigh in praise of his grand accomplishment.

I laughed so hard I feared my teeth would fall out.

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